What the...?! Part 2

HEY LOOK! Two posting in two days. Since someone mentioned it had been three months since my last post, I guess I should catch you up a little bit.
I lost my job on April 10th. ACK! Ask me if that sucks. Go ahead and ask me......YES IT SUCKS! I have not found another job as of yet. I've been selling for some people on eBay. A wonderful human being helped me get my computer out of the shop. I put it in for repairs two days before I lost my job. Can you imagine me with NO COMPUTER? Oh yeah it wasn't pretty. So I'm kinda looking for work but I'd really like to be able to sell full time on eBay. I'm pretty sure I've said that a million times before.
Anyhow the job is gone and here we sit with damn near no income. Ain't life grand? DH has been able to get a little money coming in every now and then but that sure doesn't pay the bills. Okay enough about money....let me get back to my rant about my therapist.....
I learned a very big lesson yesterday. DO NOT ever give your therapist your eBay ID name when it is the same damn name that is on your blog. Especially if you decide to call him a screaming Queen. Uh...so...Robert...if you are reading this...please take it with the humor that was intended. Lord knows I can't control what comes out of my fingertips. With that being said.......the rant begins......
So as I mentioned in my previous post, my therapist thinks I need a haircut. Sounds weird huh? Not really, in his defense, it is all about me getting back to finding out who I am and liking it. To be honest I'm not sure that is even a doable thing. After 43 years of NOT liking myself how is a makeover going to make a difference. His motto..."Fake it til you Make it".
How does one go about finding out who you are? I'm not sure I ever had a real sense of self. I'm sure at one time I did but I can't remember that far back. So I guess I look at myself today and say, "Who are you?". Of course the depressed person in me screams "You are a fat, tired, ugly woman who makes jokes to cover pain." But I am not so deeply depressed that I can't see some self worth in me. I truly like most people. Uh...even though I usually don't trust them. I can be a good friend when I give myself and someone else a chance. Okay I'm tired of saying nice things about me.
What I want to know is what is my style? What would make my outside look good? I need thoughts. Honestly what I need is for you to tell me how I look in your mind's eye. Be brutally honest. Don't worry, I'm medicated and in no way am I suicidal. For those of you that know me and have seen me, go ahead and give me a makeover in your mind. For those that don't , go ahead. Not that I've given you much to work with other than my glowing report of how I look.
In my next post I'll share how I really want to look and combine your ideas with mine. Oh the thrill of it all...can you just wait?
Oh and for goodness sakes go to eBay and bid on something. I'll have a lot more listed tomorrow. Bid high and often. I need to pay the bills!