Cough Cough Sputter

WARNING……NO SPELLCHECK on this entry. Read at your own risk
I guess I just need to write tonight. One of the things that keeps me from sharing and writing in my blog is that I don’t want people writing to me telling me what to do or how to fix it. Oh, if you have helpful words I’d love to hear them but so many people just don’t understand my situation in life nor do they understand me. Of course, it is kinda hard to understand someone who doesn’t share any inside info. It’s just that if I say, I am stressed out because I am the sole bread winner in our house and I feel I have to work even through illness just to make sure we have enough money to pay the bills……well, people write me asking why my husband doesn’t get off his ass and do something. Knowing that people will write me saying that or just think it, makes me feel like half the time I have to defend myself or him. Honestly there shouldn’t be any defending. Anyone who has ever taken care of someone or been in chronic pain should understand.
I’m amazed at how much my husband can do with the pain he is in most of the time. So the fact that he hasn’t found a job yet that doesn’t compromise his health….well see there I go…trying to defend . Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I am just tired as hell of wondering how much pain he is going to be in and what he will or will not be able to do. Sounds callous yes? Well that’s my life. Now here is what I was really going to write tonight…………
I am having one of those evenings where I would rather just pull the covers up over my eyes and cry the night away. My daughter was sick week before last, then on Halloween night my husband started getting sick. The entire week after that he was sick and I was single Mom on the job. I bow to any working single Mom out there. One problem in my way was that I wasn’t single and I had my husband to contend with as well. I love him to death but when he is sick, I wish he would just go in a room and stay out of the way until he feels better. Plus when he gets a cold or flu, the constant coughing aggravates his back pain sometimes making it to where he can’t walk at all. So on top of the husband being sick and cranky and in pain…, my daughter gets a toothache this weekend. Poor little thing. She was hurting so badly. Anyhow, the stress of sick husband, sick daughter and me trying to get sick…add on top of that I haven’t slept well since she first started getting sick………I’m a friggin wreck. I go to work in a fog and come home in a fog and am emotionally and physically spent. Tonight my husband copped an attitude with me about something and I have no idea what, at the same time I was trying to keep my daughter calm so that she wouldn’t freak out when she needed to take some new medicine. I felt like I was being pulled two directions. Give him attention and find out what’s bugging him so we can get past it and give her attention so she doesn’t start stressing about medicine. NOBODY EVEN GIVES A SHIT THAT I’M SICK TOO! My ears hurt, my back aches, my head hurts and I’m all stuffed up. Oh and of course my period just started. Let’s just add that the house is a wreck, money is tight (even tighter after I found out my daughter has to have her tooth pulled and a spacer put in) and I’m just in no mood at all.
Whew I actually feel a little better after getting that all out. Aren’t you glad you were here to hear me spew?
Now the silver lining, because you know I need to find one good thing in this hellacious day…..
After telling someone via e-mail how my day was going (trust me it was only about 4 sentences)..she sent me an e-mail and said…”What can I do for you this week” OH MY Gosh! Can I tell you I cried when I read those words. Of course, being the martyr that I am I wouldn’t dream of asking for help but just knowing she is there and offered...well I'm getting choked up all over again. I may actually have a friend.
Thanks for listening. I’m done